Alive But Barely Breathing
by KB-RC23
Summary: Post-episode fic for In The Belly Of The Beast. "You were with me the whole time." Rated T. *Updated 03/24/2014* Final chapter has just been posted!
1. Alive But Barely Breathing

**Post-episode fic for "In The Belly Of The Beast". Reviews are love. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: _Castle_ is not mine :/**

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_Babe, I wasn't alone. When they were interrogating me, the only thing that kept me going was thinking about you. About our future, the wedding. You were with me the whole time. - Katherine Beckett_

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**[Alive But Barely Breathing]**

His voice is soft, almost pleading. "Come to bed."

With his hand out in invitation, he waits. He waits and watches as her gaze flicks back and forth between the computer screen and his hand— her demon and her savior.

She knows, with every fiber in her being, that she should go to bed and get some well-deserved sleep after this hell of a day. But, she hesitates. She wants to— needs to— continue looking into Bracken, figure out a way to extinguish this beast of hers, once and for all.

His body looms over her as he waits, no words are being spoken just his presence alone sends the message.

_Please, Kate. Leave it alone, at least for right now._

Her gaze lands on his hand again, and that's when she realizes how utterly exhausted she is, both mentally and physically. Her body aches; her lungs still burn with each breath, a reminder of the pain, the turmoil, she went through.

She made it out alive, though.

She's here. She's with Rick.

_Please, Kate._

Taking in a shaky breath, she meets his eyes and gives a small smile as she joins their hands. She can see the relief wash over his face.

Kate let's Rick guide her to the bedroom. The fur blanket around her shoulders drags on the wood floor, creating a train behind her. His back faces the direction they're moving toward, and he reaches blindly for the door handle, finds it then pulls her in.

He needs to keep his eyes on her; it's a constant reassurance that she's here. She's with him.

He thought he lost her...forever.

Yet, when he'd gone with the team into those woods only hours before, that dark thought faded immediately, only to be affirmed as soon as she had been crushed to his chest in a fierce hug; something they both desperately needed.

With eyes like a hawk, Rick gently directs Kate to the bed and watches as she slowly climbs in and ducks under the covers, the heat immediately blanketing her entire body with warmth. He glances over his shoulder at her while putting his pajama pants on and ridding himself of his button-down.

It's a sweet gesture, and Kate finds herself smiling softly at him— at this amazing man. He's the reason she is even alive. Without him, she knew she wouldn't have made it.

Rick joins Kate in bed and just as he lifts the sheets over his lower body he is brought in for a rough kiss. Hands cup his cheeks, tongues begin to duel, and their bodies thrum.

Kate molds into him, straddling his lap. Her body hurts at the movement, but she didn't care.

The pain is worth it.

"I love you," she murmurs. "I love you, Rick. Don't leave me, please."

The tears begin to fall, too difficult to hold back anymore. She gives in, mouth abandoning his and moving for his neck, where she shudders and breathes hot air onto his skin.

"I'm here," he whispers, hands running carefully up and down her back. "I'm right here. You're okay."

She let's go. Has been putting up a tough exterior ever since she got back, and she can't hold it up any longer.

"Let it out, Kate. I've got you." He presses a kiss to her cheek while his hands continue to map out her back as she keens into his chest. "I've got you."

"I was so scared, Castle," she confesses minutes later. "I had no idea if I would ever see you again. If I would ever get the chance to hold you, kiss you...make love to you."

Rick's heart breaks at her words, and as much as he wants to say something reassuring, he remains quiet and allows her to get it all out in the open.

But he does place a single kiss to her jawline, communicating to her his unspoken feelings and thoughts.

Kate pulls her face away from his neck so she can see him, eye to eye. Rick reaches up, swipes her cheek with the pad of his thumb to get at a stray tear, and leaves his hand there.

Then, he waits.

Her voice is low and raw. "I had gone into this thinking that it would be get in and get out, but that quickly got turned on its head. And as I was being interrogated the only thing I could think about was you."

Their gaze never falters.

Tears stream down Rick's face, the pure thought of her being tortured scares the hell out of him. He knew the second he'd seen her practically crawling out of those damn woods, drenched and bruised, she'd been on the other side of someone's fist.

It'd been hell for him as well— a different kind of hell, but a hell nonetheless. Knowing he had no control over what had happened, terrified him, and it still does.

"You saved me, Rick."

He wipes at his eyes with his free hand, a sniffle soon following. She told him this already at the precinct, but he listens attentively all the same.

"You are the reason I'm alive. And I am so grateful that I'm here to tell you how much I love and care about you." She smiles while speaking her next words. "You are the most amazing, thoughtful, beautiful man I've ever known. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Oh, Kate," he breathes, overcome with emotion. "I love you, too."

Bringing her in for a kiss, Rick keeps this one slow and gentle. Their lips dance and caress, taking their time to explore, taste, and savor each other.

She's alive and safe. She's where she is meant to be...

Home.

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**There you go!**

**I tested writing this one in present tense, seeing as I haven't done so before. Hope you all liked it! Reviews are love. Until next time!**

**Follow me on Twitter at KB_RC23, Follow me on Tumblr at KB-RC23, and Follow me on DeviantArt at kbrc23.**


	2. Alive But Barely Breathing Part II

**Not quite finished with this story, so here is one more chapter because I have no self-control.**

**Disclaimer: _Castle_ is not mine :/**

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_"Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don't let go, you don't back down. It's what makes you extraordinary. " -Richard Castle_

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**[Alive But Barely Breathing Part II]**

It's cold.

The darkness consumes her, crushing her into a pit of black, where she's afraid she'll be trapped forever.

She reaches out for a sliver of light— is desperate for it.

Scratching and clawing, she struggles to get oxygen. She can't do it. It stings all the way down her throat to her lungs, the icy burn creating panic to rise in her bones.

Her head swims, pounds, and grows dizzy. It becomes hard to focus as she slowly fades in and out of unconsciousness, fighting with every heartbeat to stay awake.

Yet, a tiny part of her wishes she could just drift away, get this agony and pain over with.

It'd be much simpler that way.

But she can't. She must stay awake.

_Stay awake..._

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Kate jolts up from her sleep, completely drenched head to toe in her own sweat as she works to breathe and calm down her rapidly beating heart.

It was just a dream. Just a dream...

But it wasn't.

It happened.

And that only increases the panic to slither through her whole body, chills racing over her soaked skin.

She glances over to Rick, who is still fast asleep, unaware of Kate's nightmare. The mere sight of him next to her eases her anxieties, but it isn't enough.

Pulling the covers away from her body, she rotates so her feet hit the soft carpet, and hunches over. Hands hold her head up as she rests her elbows on her knees.

She takes in a slow, methodical breath and focuses on doing that. The action takes more effort than anticipated, and soon, she is scrambling for the bathroom. Kate shuts the door silently behind as to not rouse Rick, grips the marble counter with all her might then breaks down.

Tears fall down her cheeks, sliding off her chin and landing on the countertop. Her shoulders shake with each intake of air as she let's it all out, before sinking down to the floor.

It's cold.

She shivers while wrapping her arms around her raised knees. Even though her skin is licked with sweat, she's freezing.

No matter what she does, the ice in her bones, in her bloodstream, seems permanent.

Kate closes her eyes and rocks back and forth, praying the gentle movements will erase away the cold.

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A gentle knock on the bathroom door startles her.

"Kate?"

She knows it's Rick, so she tries to call out in reply but her mouth is too dry to speak and it ends up coming out as a moan instead.

The door opens partially and his head pops in through the small opening, a concerned air washing over him as soon as he sees her crumpled form on the ground. In mere seconds she is in his arms, her body curled into his, and he begins rocking her back and forth on the tile floor.

"It's okay. You're okay," he whispers.

Kate shudders and attaches onto him, fingers gripping his shirt in a vice hold. His body radiates off the heat she desperately needs, grounding her to the present.

He kisses the crown of her head, his actions speaking louder than his words ever could.

_I'm here, Kate. I'm right here. You're safe, and we're together_.

He isn't going to force her to say anything. This is on her own terms, not his. So he'll wait as long as it takes.

Minutes pass by only it feels like hours. And eventually, Kate speaks up.

"I was under the water; it completely consumed me. And I couldn't— I couldn't breathe."

She burrows into his chest, her nose presses against the small section between his jaw and neck. Rick holds her, his hands trailing up and down her back and upper shoulders.

"The darkness swallowed me up, the light fading as quickly as I was..."

Kate pulls away at arm's length; her cheeks and eyes are red from all of the crying. She reaches up, her fingertips dance over his lips in a soft caress, which Rick can't help but kiss in return.

He waits.

"I wrote you a letter," she blurts out suddenly.

"A letter?"

She nods. And after a few seconds, Rick figures it out. Kate notices the realization flicker in his eyes as she is perched in his lap, her fingers still drawing lines over his mouth, his chin, his cheeks before she flattens her palm against his neck.

He understands.

But she explains anyways.

"I had no idea if I would live to see the sunrise. And I knew I had to reach out to you in the events that I didn't make it. So, I decided to write you a letter, hoping— praying— you'd never have to read it, that instead, I could tell you all of these things myself."

Rick gives a small smile. "And here you are. Alive and safe."

"Here I am," she echoes.

Leaning in, she molds their mouths together in a tender kiss. The kiss is short, but it is full of love and relief. By a mutual, unspoken agreement, their foreheads rest against one another's in comfort.

"You are so strong," Rick breathes, eyes closing. "By far the strongest woman I have ever known. You overcame the impossible— crushed it. You didn't back down, you fought."

Kate grips him even tighter, her heart and soul lifted by his words.

"And thank you." His voice breaks then. "Thank you for coming back to me," he whispers, his cheeks wet with fresh tears.

"I'm here," she reassures. "I'm here."

Rick nods his head several times, completely overcome with emotions. It's too much for him to handle.

He knows she's safe. She's here.

She's home...

They both are.

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**There you go!**

**Reviews are love. Thanks for reading. Until next time!**

**Follow me on Twitter at KB_RC23, Follow me on Tumblr at KB-RC23, and Follow me on DeviantArt at kbrc23.**


	3. Alive But Barely Breathing Part III

**Yes, there's more. I have zero self-control. Reviews are love.**

**Disclaimer: _Castle_ is not mine :/**

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_You're not in this alone. I'm here. -Richard Castle_

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**[Alive But Barely Breathing Part III]**

She's restless.

No way she'll be able to get any more sleep tonight. Not after everything she has gone through.

Luckily, Rick stays up with her. He knows he will not be able to go back to bed if she's up for the remainder of the night.

If Kate's awake, then so is he.

They're in this together. No matter what.

Deciding to move out of the bathroom, because frankly, it is not very cozy, they walk out to the living room hand-in-hand.

Darkness follows them as they trudge into the room, but it's vanquished with a single flick of a switch. With the lights now on, they're able to relax, take a second to become used to the bright lights, and see where they're going.

Kate immediately curls up on the couch, the fur blanket from before back around her shoulders as she raises her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them, while Rick heads to the kitchen to prepare them something to drink.

It's quiet.

The silence looms over the couple, its presence all too knowing and familiar. Only the sounds of cabinets opening and closing, the clank of mugs against one another, and the ambient noise of the city outside are heard echoing.

Otherwise, it's silent.

Kate remains on the couch, her thoughts all over the place as she focuses on her breathing. Soon, the heat of Rick's body is crowding hers and she is warm again.

"Hot chocolate," he whispers, handing a mug over to her.

Their hands ignite a spark that jolts within their entire beings, and they merely smile at the contact.

It's another small reminder...

She's here and she's safe.

"Thank you," Kate mumbles, already downing a good portion of the hot drink in one swig. She doesn't mind the hotness or its slow burn, it's the warmth she's most concerned and interested about— needs it like the oxygen she breathes.

So good.

"Not wasting anytime, huh?" Rick asks softly. His lays his arm across the back of the couch, creating a small nook for Kate to burrow into.

She shakes her head. "It's just so warm. Exactly what I needed."

"Good."

Not needing to say another word, the couple sit there, occasionally sipping their hot chocolate— well, except for Kate. She finishes hers within a couple of minutes, setting the mug on the coffee table before returning into her space in Rick's arms.

He's so warm. And she's so cold.

The icy chill travels over her body, through her bloodstream, and it's not going away.

The memory of the freezing water burns her lungs still, even though it's been hours since it happened.

Rick feels her body trembling next to his, and he aches for her. Thinking he has got to warm her up some how, he eventually comes up with an idea.

Slowly, he stands but not before kissing her ice-cold cheek. "I'll be right back. You going to be okay for a couple of minutes?"

Kate nods in affirmation, bringing the fur blanket closer to her body as she shivers. "Hurry back," she pleads, her voice cracking slightly.

That alone breaks his heart all over again.

She looks like a little girl as she cuddles up in the blanket— her source of heat. Definitely not like the confident woman he is so accustomed to.

Time to turn that around.

He steps away to the bedroom, disappearing behind the door and out of her line of sight. Straining her ears, she listens to the movement in the room beyond and can't help but wonder what he's doing in there.

Her curiosity diminishes as realization hits when he returns with armfuls of pillows and what looks to be a large sleeping bag.

Sweet man.

"What do you say to spending the night beside the fireplace?"

Kate smiles at him, his thoughtfulness and caring gesture warming her up already.

"Sounds like heaven to me."

Sweet, incredible man...

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**There you go, folks!**

**Reviews are love. Will update as soon as possible! (Sorry it's short) Until then!**

**Follow me on Twitter at KB_RC23, Follow me on Tumblr at KB-RC23, and Follow me on DeviantArt at kbrc23.**


	4. Alive But Barely Breathing Part IV

**Completely blown away by the response to this story. Thank you very much! Reviews are love.**

**Disclaimer: _Castle_ is not mine :/**

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_Just looking for my partner. Pretty girl. Thinks she can leap tall buildings in a single bound, carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, yet still manages to laugh at some of my jokes. -Richard Castle_

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**[Alive But Barely Breathing Part IV]**

Peaceful.

That's how Kate feels as she wraps herself in his arms, his body and the sleeping bag holding her close, keeping her safe. Sparks fly as the fire burns, crackling every so often and filling the silence.

It's peaceful. Very serene.

And exactly what Kate needs.

She curls into him, arms wrapping around his waist as she rests her cheek on his shoulder. This is home. This is where she feels safe. But there's still a small inkling in her body that is unsure, anxious.

Pressing a kiss to his neck, she tastes his skin and relishes in the feel of his pulse beneath her lips. He has some stubble growing in and there's this one patch of skin under his chin where it doesn't grow, it's bare. She traces her lips over that spot and feels him shiver, his entire body reacting to her ministrations.

"That tickles," he breathes, his chest rising on a laugh.

Kate grins, continuing to tease him with her mouth. She shifts, her upper body draping over Rick's chest. Then, she lifts a leg and straddles his lap. The sleeping bag keeps their bodies close, so when she moves her leg grazes him in all the right places.

With her mouth moving along his chin, Kate smiles as she peppers light, open-mouth kisses up his jaw line. Her movements are slow, methodical, and completely drive him crazy.

His entire body is alight with heat, and it is not because of the fire or the sleeping bag.

He'd been warming her up, now it's her turn to do the same for him.

Rick shuts his eyes and revels in her soft touch. He becomes lost, her lips causing him to drift away and simply enjoy.

Suddenly, her mouth is gone and he frowns then looks up to find her staring down at him, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her hair cascades off of one shoulder in a waterfall of chesnut waves. Reaching up, he tucks a few tufts of hair behind her ear, before palming her cheek and smoothing it across her jaw.

"Hi," she whispers.

Rick merely stares at her, at the way the orange glow of the burning fire casts shadows over her face, making the sharp angles of her cheekbones even sharper. The bruise that scatters over her left eye is darker now, the surrounding skin purple. Her eyes shine bright in the firelight, looking more green than brown. And as he studies her Rick's breath catches in his throat, her beauty overwhelming him.

She looks beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

"Hi back," he mumbles, leaning up to claim her lips with his. "How are you doing?"

It's somewhat of a loaded question.

She ducks her head into his chest, hands roaming his shoulders as she rests over him. Kate takes her time before answering him, and Rick, being quite patient, waits her out.

The roar of the fire beside them crackles, its flames and heat warming up the couple in the sleeping bag.

It's quiet, calm.

"I'm doing better," she finally states, meeting his gaze. "Still trying to come to terms with everything, but... I'm better."

Rick traces his fingers along her jaw, landing on her lips. "You're only human, Kate. You don't have to have it together twenty-four seven."

"I know. I know..." She dips her chin down, eyes closing as a shiver courses through her veins.

"Hey, look at me," he says softly, giving a small nudge with his fingers to get her to meet his eyes. "It's okay to hurt and to feel angry, it's what makes us human. We just can't let those emotions get the best of us. Okay?"

"How, Rick? How am I supposed to not let this get the best of me?" She's desperate, almost pleading, and he can hear it in her voice.

A long sigh leaves his lips, his brow furrows in concentration as he tries to come up with the best explanation.

"By being able to move on, by living your life and not letting this demon of yours control you." He winds his arms over her back and keeps her steady, his fingers drawing patterns. "You're better than this, Kate. You're strong enough. I can see that. The question is, can you? Can you see that strength within yourself?"

Anxiety and fear wash over her face as she contemplates his words, his questions. Can she do that? Is she capable of doing that?

She knows with the help of the man beneath her she'll be able to do anything.

Kate bites her bottom lip, takes a slow breath, then holds Rick's eyes as he waits.

Nodding once, she seems so sure of herself when she eventually answers, which is huge considering she hadn't been before.

"Yeah, I think I can."

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**There you go, folks!**

**Reviews are love. Will post the last chapter asap. Until then!**

**Follow me on Twitter at KB_RC23, Follow me on Tumblr at KB-RC23, and Follow me on DeviantArt at kbrc23.**


	5. Alive But Barely Breathing Part V

**This is the final chapter. Reviews are love.**

**Disclaimer: _Castle_ is not mine :/**

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_It's enough for now. -Katherine Beckett_

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**[Alive But Barely Breathing Part V]**

The shrill ring of Kate's phone in the bedroom wakes the couple from their sleep, both trying to get the sleeping bag open so she can answer the phone.

She practically scrambles from the living room and rushes to the bedroom, answering the call on the final ring.

It's the precinct.

As Kate takes care of business Rick stretches out his arms and back, his bones and muscles aching from being on the floor for a majority of the night. He's stiff and his lower back feels numb, but he moves past that and slowly stands then heads to the kitchen to brew them both some coffee.

Running a hand through his hair, he casts his eyes toward the bedroom and sees that she shut the door, before pulling out two clean mugs from the cabinets. Pouring in the freshly brewed coffee, he brings his to his mouth and takes a cautious sip. Kate's mug is on the counter, steaming as it sits there.

Rick keeps his eyes on the door in anticipation for her to come out.

It takes what feels like forever.

By the time she eventually walks out to join him in the kitchen, his coffee is completely gone, and hers is more cold than hot.

"Who was that?" He wonders, pouring himself more coffee before leaning against the marble counter.

She takes a seat on one of the barstools, her shoulders slump forward, hands and fingers link together, and her brow furrows. Whatever conversation had occurred over that phone call has her flustered to the point of moping.

"Gates. She called to tell me— well, ordered would be the better term— to not come into the precinct today, and also, for the following two days after that." She sinks forward, hands covering her face as she sighs.

"But that's a good thing. Gives you time to rest, heal, and come to terms with everything."

She looks up at him with a flash of frustration masking her face. Her look says it all, more than words ever could.

"Kate, you deserve to have a few days off after everything you went through," he says as he crosses over to her. "You weren't even supposed to go in, but you did and look what happened. You owe it to yourself to take the time off."

He feels her tense as he strokes her back, his hand gliding up and down, the tension slowly releasing as he works her muscles. Kate runs her hands over her face before tangling her fingers in her hair, a deep sigh leaving her lips.

She finally relaxes under his touch.

"I need to go in," she states after a few moments of silence.

Rick decides to play along; he digs and scratches and claws for information, wanting to understand why she is being so stubborn. He already has an idea as to why she's acting this way, but he wants to hear her say it.

"Why?" He whispers.

"I— because..." She has difficulty finding the right words to explain herself, but falls short.

He watches as she tenses up again, her breath coming in strangled intakes. He presses a kiss to her temple, lips lingering.

He gives her the time she needs.

"Because I need to put this damn thing to rest once and for all." She turns, and Rick sees that she's holding back tears. "I am not going to be able to do that if I'm not at the Precinct, going over the files, over every angle of this case."

"It's only three days off, Kate. That's not a lifetime. Who says it can't wait?"

She doesn't say anything.

Reaching up, he palms her cheek and gives a sad smile. "We will take him down. He will pay for what he has done. And your mother will get the justice she so greatly deserves, but that doesn't mean now is the right time. Okay?"

He's right. And she needs to listen to him.

Kate nods her head. "Okay."

When she meets his gaze, she notices how proud he is of her just by the glint in his eyes.

He's proud of her. Proud of how she fights against every instinct in her bones to keep digging. And a small part of Kate is proud of herself too. She will bring Bracken down and she will give her mother justice, she just has to wait a bit longer.

She can do it. She can.

Claiming her lips with his in a brief kiss, Rick gently rests his forehead against hers. "How about some breakfast? Hmm? I'll whip up anything you'd like."

Kate pulls away, her lips curling in a grin. "Anything but your disgusting s'morelettes."

He feigns a hurt look with his hand over his heart. "How dare you. They are not disgusting. You just don't appreciate the genius of them."

"Sure, that's the reason why they're completely repulsive," she sarcastically replies, rolling her eyes but smiling all the same.

He smirks, waggling a digit in her direction. "Oh, but one day you will learn to love them. One day."

He doesn't give her time to retort because he turns toward the fridge, his back to her as he grabs all of the items needed to make breakfast.

Kate watches her fiancé move about the kitchen, and that's when his words truly hit home for her.

She can wait. She has to.

If she doesn't, who knows what could happen. She needs to heal and recover. She must learn patience, before she will be able to defeat her demon.

One day. One day she'll be free.

So, as she follows him as he shuffles to and from before her Kate feels the tension disperse from her body all together.

She will overcome this.

It'll just take some time.

* * *

**There you go!**

**Hope you all enjoyed this story! Reviews are love. Until next time.**

**Follow me on Twitter at KB_RC23, Follow me on Tumblr at KB-RC23, and Follow me on DeviantArt at kbrc23.**


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